As the world holds its breath in the
midst of the current conflict in Ukraine, and with Russia’s
involvement in Crimea, we seem to be on the verge of yet another
international battle for supremacy.
It has given me pause for thought over
the futility of war; the cost, not just in terms of innocent lives
lost, but also the economic, social and environmental impact.
I’m a great proponent of the view
that once we have fulfilled our own basic needs, such food, water,
shelter, and access to health and education, we should then look to
help others. This is fundamental to our survival and progress as a
human race, and I believe it applies equally well in an international
arena, as well as closer to home, within the local community and in
personal relationships.
I often find myself, either at work or
the wider context, involved in conflict resolution. It is something I
enjoy, because although in dealing with the vagaries of human
emotions nothing is guaranteed, there is some sense of satisfaction
where amicable agreement can be reached.
This does of course require willingness
on both sides to communicate, and to compromise. This can be
difficult where both sides feel they are in the right, and in some
cases will resort to unhand activity to coerce others into taking
their side of the argument. This attempt at manipulation is an
understandable human trait, if not an altogether pleasant one, and we
see evidence of it daily in the media.
However, to win at all costs only
results in winners and losers, and it is this sense of failure on one
side, and the smug ‘I told you so’ attitude of the winner, that
harbours resentment, in some cases allowing it to fester into an
overwhelming desire for revenge; all very destructive, time consuming
and costly. I know this only too well; I’ve been there to my cost.
Nowadays I am able to take a more
pragmatic view and apply many of the techniques I use in my daily
activity as a customer service and sales trainer. Not only is it
necessary to have a clear, well-defined objective for the outcome of
any conflict but more importantly, to consider things from the
other’s point of view. Very often it is misunderstanding and poor
communication that is the cause of the conflict and despite any
assertion that one side is right, it does take two to argue. It may
well be that a conversation, a letter or an e-mail has caused
offence, instigating a dispute from which neither side is willing to
back down.
I am mindful that in all communication
the onus is on the person emitting the message to take responsibility
for its effect on the recipient. Causing offence may not have been
the intention but may well be the result. As well all know, some
people are quick to take offence. We can’t take back things we’ve
said or done but sometimes all it takes to resolve a situation is an
acknowledgement that however unwittingly one or other party has
caused offence or injury to the other.
This shouldn’t be a big deal, and I
think it takes the bigger person to be the first to offer the olive
branch. However, this can only be done when both sides approach the
problem from a position of willingness to negotiate and with a clear
intention to reach an outcome satisfying both sides.
Just imagine all of the time and energy
we could save, in which we can all pursue more pleasurable pursuits,
making us all much happier people, and in turn less likely to be the
cause of conflict. As renowned author Stephen Covey would say, ‘Begin
With The End In Mind’ and ‘Think Win-Win’. Not such a daft
idea at all.
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