Tell them you love them before it is too late

Rather sadly I have attended an inordinate number of funerals in recent weeks and months. One could be forgiven for thinking that as we get older our nearest and dearest are bound to start departing this mortal earth. That may well be the case for those who have had the privilege of reaching a ripe old age, but I am finding that many seem to have breathed their last long before their time should have been up, not quite reaching their ‘three score and ten’ as Shakespeare would say.

This is one of the reasons I do try to live every day as if it were my last; but then I do not have the responsibility of a spouse or partner, or parents or children. I have however given much thought over the years to my demise and just how I would like things to be. This became even more poignant this last week with the headline news of the young girl who wanted to have her body cryogenically stored in the hope that one day she may be unfrozen when they have found a cure for whatever ailed her. The controversy seemed to stem from a spat between her father and mother over what should happen. My personal view is that my body is my own and I will choose what happens to it, thank you very much. Likewise, having had a fairly full and eventful life, I hope that whenever my time is up I shall have the good sense to go gracefully, and look forward to a much needed rest, wherever I end up.   

In conversations with those who have been terminally ill, and in consideration of the subsequent plans for their funerals, burial, cremation or memorial service I am always surprised by how few, with time to prepare, choose not to do so. This can pose something of a burden for those left behind, along with the desire ‘to do the right thing’. 

Living alone I am all too aware of the onerous task that will fall upon the executors of my will. I have had experience, not the most pleasant I admit, of those who die without leaving a will, and it can be a costly, time consuming, and contentious situation to untangle.  

It is for all of these reasons that although I have no immediate plans to make my exit, I have been planning my own funeral arrangements for some time. The best funerals I have attended, if there can be such a thing, are those where whoever is conducting the service, and those who contribute, manage to capture the very essence of the person. On more than one occasion members of the congregation have been surprised to learn something new, if all rather too late for it to be fully appreciated by those who cared for them.

Whilst a packed church or crematorium can be seen as testament to a person’s perceived value in life, would it not be much better if we all took the time in our busy lives to let those who play a part in our lives, however small, know how much we love them, and how valued they are, before it is too late. 

When was the last time you picked up the phone, wrote a letter (?!) sent a cheery text message, or better still, gave them a visit? Go on, do it. Now. Life is too short for ‘If only’.