FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS

 

I am not renowned for my willingness, or ability, to follow instructions. In the case of the ‘how to’ manuals, as thick as a book, that seem to accompany any type of appliance these days my excuse is that, as a baby boomer, I was born at a time when all we had to do was locate the on/off, hot/cold switch. Whilst the vast majority of the population seems to welcome the invention of the next new ‘all singing all dancing’ must-have gadget, and relish poring over every detail (once they have found it in English) of its operation, I yearn for simplicity. But I digress.  

Confined to barracks for the duration, I have succumbed to watching trash TV. Given that I have been immersed up to my neck in the hospitality business for over 30 years, I am especially interested in programmes relating to food. 

Recently, it seems as if whole brigades of chefs with flagging careers, obviously with brilliant agents, have jumped on the bandwagon of any programme that will increase their exposure and remind us that they are still knocking around. 

Whatever one’s opinion of national treasures Delia Smith and Mary Berry, when they first hit our screens in the 1970s their ability to communicate methodology and timings to the ordinary cook have been unrivalled. Whether it is boiling an egg or making a cake, their recipes are pretty much fool proof. I have never attempted any of their offerings without success, winning many a local village baking competition with the results. 

By contrast, the sex appeal of Nigella and her way of throwing things together to make cosy, inviting supper dishes, a prelude to more intimate activity later perhaps, has its own special appeal, inspiring us all to have a go. Meanwhile, Jamie’s meals in under 30 mins., have come in for ample criticism, much of it well deserved.    

Certainly, when it comes to cooking and baking, whether it be pastry, cakes, bread, soufflés or a roast joint, timing, temperature, and the balance of ingredients can make all the difference between success and failure. This is why we have cookery books and recipes; precisely so that we can follow the instructions and then, having created the most heavenly chocolate cake (I won a prize with Mary’s recipe), we can then take what we have learnt and improvise a little. 

My current gripe is with the number of celebrity chefs appearing on TV demonstrating how to cook their favourite dishes. They may well be able to gain Michelin stars for their whizz-bang techniques and use of ingredients and equipment that most people do not have access to, but what really riles me is their lack of ability in putting across the necessary information to ensure a credible result for the rest of us. The cynic in me thinks that this could be deliberate, in as much as they do not actually want the rest of us to be privy to their secrets. 

When demonstrating how to make a dish, the very least that could be done is to give accurate guidance as to ingredients, their method of preparation, cooking temperatures, timings, and, last but not least, the size of cooking vessel. An experienced cook knows the importance of all of these elements in creating successful, awe inspiring meals, but the novice, with high aspirations and few skills or access to specialist equipment is doomed to failure.  

I may not like reading user manuals, but years of hotel and restaurant inspecting has given me an eagle eye for detail. All too often what TV chefs say and tell us to do does not correspond to what ends up on the plate. Naturally, once we are treated to the ‘here’s one I made earlier’ scenario, and the food stylists have had their hands all over it, ensuring that it looks as pretty as a picture, what we see very rarely resembles the real thing; the dish we are eager to reproduce in a fit of enthusiasm. I can spot such tricksters a mile off, and in the wake of my observations, any respect I may have had for them previously soon evaporates. No wonder home cooks often feel inadequate. Time to send for a take-away.