We all have opinions, and we are all entitled to express
them. Since being confined to home, no hardship for me, I have taken to
watching what can really only be described as junk TV. Rather than invest in
producing interesting programmes, it seems that the plethora of channels
available to us, even for those, like me, who choose not to pay for TV over and
above the licence fee, resort to reality shows, quiz programmes, and the
endless viewing of so-called celebrities, most of whom I have never heard of,
as they tour the world, taking advantage of the freebies on offer in a bid to
boost their flagging careers. Do I sound disparaging? Yes, I do. A natural
reaction to the continued dumbing-down of broadcasting as we once knew it.
As a professional hotel and restaurant inspector for over 25 years, I have been
casting my beady eyes on the popular ‘Four in a Bed’ series, in which B&B
owners pull each other’s establishments apart in an effort to become winners on
the basis of ‘Value for Money’. This is not what happens, and in the name of
good TV we see a good deal of game playing and jockeying for position. To be
honest, the behaviour of some contestants would deter me from wanting to spend
my hard-earned cash on lining their greedy pockets.
The first thing I learnt as an inspector is the ability to be objective rather
than subjective in making my assessment. It is not whether or not I personally
like a place that counts; more a matter of how what they offer, and the price
they charge, relates to their target market, and the location. Up market
country piles with award winning restaurants and stunning views naturally
attract higher levels of revenue and, dare I say it, a different sort of
customer, than your average terraced property in Torquay or Blackpool, popular
for hen nights.
If staying somewhere situated in the centre of town, near to local facilities
and attractions, of course there will be some noise; it is the price you pay
for convenience. There is a world of difference when paying a couple of hundred
quid for a night in a ‘luxury’ room to forking out £50, including breakfast, in
a budget establishment.
As the rival B&B owners of Four in a Bed busy themselves nit-picking, in
their attempt to find the merest speck of dust or stray hair, I find myself
shouting at the screen in frustration. This is not what a professional would
do.
In any area of the hospitality industry there are two key elements. What level
of service is provided and, to my mind at least, more importantly, how it is
delivered. In any industry that involves human interaction things are bound to
go wrong. What counts is how the situation is dealt with.
The deal breakers for me are being able to rest my weary limbs in complete
silence, total light exclusion, blankets rather than a duvet, feather pillows,
a bath rather than a shower, and, if I am paying through the nose, freshly
squeezed orange juice, decent toast, and spanking fresh eggs at breakfast.
We all want different things from our stays away from home. Where
establishments fall at the first hurdle is in raising guests’ expectations
beyond what they are able to deliver. As a frequent visitor to Bath one of my
favourite places has rooms which are barely big enough in which to swing the
proverbial cat, have only a shower and no window. What is not provided is made
up for in the superb location, the staff who are friendly and accommodating,
and the free cheese and wine offered every evening from 5-8pm, all for under
£45 a night. By contrast, the recent programme on The Dorchester Hotel in
London, billed as one of the greatest hotels in the world, brought back vivid
memories of the time I ran up a bill of £3,000 there in a 48-hour period, and
where my experience was so dismal I vowed never to darken the doors again.
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