FORGET THE HYPERBOLE – TELL IT LIKE IT IS

I stay in a lot of hotels, and eat in a lot of restaurants and am becoming increasingly frustrated with the flowery language used in brochures and on websites to describe in glowing terms what often turns out to be a very mediocre experience.

I couldn’t help but chuckle over the recent spoof restaurant, Oscar’s, put up on TripAdvisor. Personally I never use such sites, as rather arrogantly perhaps, I’m not much interested in another person’s view of somewhere. It’s riles me in much the same way as someone who says ‘I treat everyone the same.’ Well I’m not everyone, and I don’t wish to be treated the same; just find out what I want and get on with providing it as best you can.

Likewise, as the so-called independent hotel and restaurant guides struggle to hold their own in the face of stiff competition, I am witnessing a quiet drop in overall standards.

On checking into a 4 star hotel recently it had never occurred to me that my room would only have a shower, not a bath, or that I wouldn’t be able to get anything to eat between 6 and 6.30pm, just when I needed a quick bite before dashing out to a meeting.

Nowadays it seems to me that the only answer is to interrogate the establishment yourself; the owner of a small B&B did seem rather non-plussed when I asked, will my room have a bath (no), do you have feather pillows and blankets instead of duvets (no), parking (limited spaces) ....... needless to say I booked myself in elsewhere, and for less money.

My point is that the same principles apply to all businesses. While we are busy making ourselves sound wonderful, spending hours developing our ‘mission statements’; what is in place to demonstrate the quality of performance, adaptability to customer demands, ensuring satisfaction? I’d much rather have a warts and all perspective of what I’m getting for my money, and evidence that whatever I’ve hired you to do will work.

I’d much rather that potential customers were on the receiving of this unsolicited recommendation from one of my clients, and be sure of my sound reputation for achieving high standards by going the extra mile - “I no longer chase ratings, but when we did I used, and still recommend, Linda Piggott-Vijeh for gap analysis – ex senior food inspector – scarily straight, incredibly passionate, takes no prisoners and is ultimately very productive.”

I leave you with this description of a Two Rosette restaurant, where having eaten there twice I had to send my meal back on both occasions, and at the height of summer the special of the day was ‘hake with cassoulet’ – to my mind both the chef and the inspector that awarded the rosettes should be fired.

“Breathe in the scent of sizzling bacon as the sun rises. Dive in to freshly prepared oysters as a spring breeze whips across the bay. Dine on the sea’s bounty as the water laps beneath you. This is a restaurant experience to be savoured. Led by our talented head chef, the Restaurant offers truly Modern British cuisine – fusing styles, techniques and flavours to shape an irresistible menu. From the freshest seafood and fish landed locally, to succulent local meats and luscious seasonal vegetables and fruits grown and reared on our doorstep, from artisan breads and cheeses, to foraged foods plucked from the hedgerows, our kitchen brings local produce to life, with imagination and spirit.

So all you need to do is order, relax and enjoy the view.”  

Forget the hyperbole, and tell it like it is.